Divorce Lawyer

Matrimonial Difficulties Letter to Divorce Filing: Why File and What Happens in New York?

November 1, 2026 | Law and Mediation Office of Darren M. Shapiro, P.C.

Lawyerlaptop-300x200 I don’t, per-se, put an expiration date on a matrimonial difficulties letter unless my client and I specifically think this is required. I also don’t like watching a client spend months in a holding pattern because everyone keeps saying they are working toward settlement while very little is actually getting settled. “Matrimonial difficulties letter” is the term I use for the short letter I may send to a client’s spouse to open communication about resolving their marital issues. Sending it does not itself start a divorce case. My usual objective is to explore whether we can negotiate a separation agreement before filing as if we can execute a separation agreement, then we can say that everything is resolved and we can file for an uncontested divorce. Among other benefits, less legal fees and better pricing options are usually available for an uncontested divorce.

Sometimes the other spouse retains an attorney and we make meaningful progress. Sometimes I ask for financial information several times and still don’t have it. The spouses may also get close to resolving one issue, then discover they remain far apart on another. Sometimes, however, my client and I need to consider whether continuing those discussions serves my client’s interests or whether it is time to commence a divorce action. Filing has legal consequences, and it provides a way to bring unresolved issues before a court. Understanding that transition can help a client make an informed decision about the next step.

When Do We Stop Negotiating Before Filing? Continue reading ›

Can a Matrimonial Difficulties Letter Lead to a Separation Agreement

October 24, 2026 | Law and Mediation Office of Darren M. Shapiro, P.C.

Coupledisputebacktoback-300x205 When I send a matrimonial difficulties letter, I am often trying to find out whether we can negotiate a separation agreement before filing for divorce. The letter itself is deliberately short, usually. I explain that I represent the recipient’s spouse, say that my client would like to resolve matters amicably, and ask the spouse or an attorney they choose to contact me. “Matrimonial difficulties letter” is the term I use for this initial communication. It is not a document required by New York law, and sending it does not itself start a divorce case. If the other spouse is willing to discuss settlement, that short letter can lead to much more detailed work. We need to move from general intentions about separating to specific terms concerning property, support and, where applicable, the children.

Moving From an Initial Conversation to Negotiation

At the outset, I may not know whether the other spouse has retained counsel or where the spouses agree and disagree. I do not want to send six pages of demands before I have enough information to make a useful proposal. A client might tell me, “We already agreed I’m keeping the house.” Then I discover that nobody has discussed the mortgage, the equity, refinancing, or how long the other spouse is expected to remain on the loan. That understanding gives us a place to start, but there is still work to do before we have complete terms.

Once someone responds, we can begin addressing those details. I may negotiate with another attorney or communicate directly with an unrepresented spouse within the ethical limits that apply. We might work through correspondence, telephone calls, meetings or Zoom. Throughout those discussions, I represent my client. I am not the couple’s neutral mediator or the other spouse’s attorney. The other spouse can obtain independent legal advice about the proposed terms. Continue reading ›

Should You File for Divorce Before Negotiating a Settlement? A Long Island Divorce Lawyer Explains

May 26, 2026 | Law and Mediation Office of Darren M. Shapiro, P.C.

Couple-Counter-300x200 Many people who call me are considering whether to file and server their spouse or to try to negotiate first.

They’ve already lived through the false starts. The awkward holidays. The night-time math. The talks that begin calmly and somehow end in someone standing in the kitchen saying, “I can’t keep doing this.”

So when they finally reach me, they want movement. Filing feels like movement. It has a date. A receipt. A court file. Whether you are in Nassau, Suffolk, or Queens County, it means something real has finally been started, and after months, or years, of private misery, I understand why that feels good.

Still, filing first doesn’t automatically hand you the house, custody, or the better financial deal. It also doesn’t automatically speed up the process of getting everything “figured out”.

A court in New York still divides marital property using equitable distribution, which means the court looks at fairness under the statute, including what counts as marital and separate property. That takes time. Custody agreements do too, since decisions focus on the child’s best interests, not which parent got to the court first. Continue reading ›