Long Island Family Law and Mediation Blog
When I send a matrimonial difficulties letter, I am often trying to find out whether we can negotiate a separation agreement before filing for divorce. The letter itself is deliberately short, usually. I explain that I represent the recipient’s spouse, say that my client would like to resolve matters amicably, and ask the spouse or an attorney they choose to contact me. “Matrimonial difficulties letter” is the term I use for this initial communication. It is not a document required by New York law, and sending it does not itself start a divorce case. If the other spouse is willing to discuss settlement, that short letter can lead to much more detailed work. We need to move from general intentions about separating to specific terms concerning property, support and, where applicable, the children.
Moving From an Initial Conversation to Negotiation
At the outset, I may not know whether the other spouse has retained counsel or where the spouses agree and disagree. I do not want to send six pages of demands before I have enough information to make a useful proposal. A client might tell me, “We already agreed I’m keeping the house.” Then I discover that nobody has discussed the mortgage, the equity, refinancing, or how long the other spouse is expected to remain on the loan. That understanding gives us a place to start, but there is still work to do before we have complete terms.
Once someone responds, we can begin addressing those details. I may negotiate with another attorney or communicate directly with an unrepresented spouse within the ethical limits that apply. We might work through correspondence, telephone calls, meetings or Zoom. Throughout those discussions, I represent my client. I am not the couple’s neutral mediator or the other spouse’s attorney. The other spouse can obtain independent legal advice about the proposed terms. Continue reading ›
A letter on a matrimonial lawyer’s letterhead has a way of making a marriage problem suddenly feel official, and frightening. If you open your mail or email and see that your spouse has retained an attorney “in connection with your marital difficulties,” your mind may immediately move several steps ahead. Has a divorce been filed? Am I about to be served? Do I need my own lawyer?
When it comes to ending a marriage, couples often face a daunting array of choices, from navigating litigation to negotiating settlements. As a practitioner in matrimonial law, I engage in all facets of this process—litigation, negotiation, mediation, and even collaborative legal methods. Of these, negotiating or mediating a Separation Agreement before filing for divorce can often provide the most straightforward path forward. Here’s why.