Court litigation has always been the default, and sometimes it has to be, when there’s real conflict, or when safety is an issue. But it isn’t always necessary. Divorce Mediation gives couples another route. Instead of arguing in front of a judge, you can sit down with someone neutral and work through decisions together. The tough decisions still have to be made, but the process often feels different.
In Cayuga County, though, this route isn’t always easy to take. If you live outside Auburn, chances are you’ve had to look to Syracuse or Rochester for divorce mediation. That means an afternoon off work, child care to arrange, and hours on Route 34 or the Thruway. In the middle of February, with snow blowing sideways, it can feel impossible. Some people have delayed divorce for months or longer because just getting to mediation seemed out of reach.
That’s the reason I, and many other divorce mediators, started offering sessions online. When travel stops being the obstacle, couples can focus on the decisions themselves. You don’t have to settle for the nearest mediator; you can choose someone who understands your situation. Instead of losing half a day to one meeting, you can sit down at your own table, log in, and actually move things forward.
What Virtual Mediation Looks Like in Cayuga County
Cayuga County is spread wide. Auburn has the courthouse, the offices, the traffic. Drive twenty minutes in almost any direction and it changes: farms near Genoa, cottages on Owasco, small towns where the next stoplight is miles away. It’s part of what makes the county what it is. But it also makes professional services harder to reach.
Mediation has always been one of those services. I’ve met parents throughout New York State who wanted to try it but couldn’t make the logistics work. A single session meant taking off work, finding someone to pick up the kids, then driving an hour each way. By the time they sat down, they were already stressed and rushing. I am sure that some gave up on the idea because it wasn’t realistic.
Doing it virtually changes that. We can schedule a meeting in the evening, or during the school day, without the hours of planning around it. Each person signs in from their own space, with their papers nearby, and we can get to the hard conversations without burning half the day.
The setting matters more than you’d realize too. Sitting in a law office can feel tense. At home, people often breathe a little easier. The subjects are still difficult: custody, money, property, but the space feels less intimidating. In my experience, when people feel steadier, they talk more openly, so progress happens faster.
None of this makes mediation “easy.” It’s still serious work, and it has to be guided carefully. But in Cayuga County, where distance and weather have held people back, moving it online finally makes it possible for more couples.
The Growth of Virtual Mediation in Cayuga County
Five or six years ago, most people I spoke with wouldn’t have imagined handling something as personal as divorce through a screen. Mediation meant driving to an office, sitting across the table, hashing things out face to face. That was the only way.
Since the pandemic, though, court hearings, doctor visits, even family birthdays were happening online. It felt strange at first. I’ll admit, I wasn’t sure how well mediation would translate. But people adapted. Clicking a link became normal. What mattered wasn’t the room, it was whether the mediator could guide the conversation.
For families here in Cayuga County, that change has been huge. Instead of being tied to geography, couples can choose based on experience. I’ve worked with parents who needed someone who understood custody law in depth. Others were focused on dividing property or untangling complicated finances. A few told me they wanted a mediator who could steady the emotions in the room more than anything else. Those options used to be limited. Now they’re available without the drive.
Not every mediator brings the same background. Some lean on counseling skills, others on legal knowledge. I come from the legal side. Before I started mediating, I spent many years practicing divorce and family law, including working on the assigned panel in Suffolk County.
That perspective shapes how I work. When questions come up about how parenting time is usually decided, or what “equitable distribution” really means I can explain it with the clarity that comes from seeing how judges apply the law. Clients tell me that helps them feel less in the dark.
My Approach to Virtual Mediation in Cayuga County
Every mediator works differently, and that’s a good thing, as no two families are the same. A couple in Union Springs dividing up a lakeside house is facing different questions than parents in Locke working out parenting time on a farm. That’s why I don’t follow a single script. I listen for what matters most, and I adjust the way I guide the session around that.
Sometimes that means looking beneath the surface. When one spouse insists on keeping the house, what they may really be saying is, “I don’t want the kids to have to switch schools.” Other times, the best way forward is to lay out how a court would likely decide the issue, so no one wastes time fighting over something that isn’t realistic.
My role is to steady the space, not control it. I’ve had couples tell me that’s what made it possible for them to keep talking – they felt like they could breathe, speak honestly, and still move forward.
A typical session might start simply: each person lays out what matters most to them. Then we unpack. I’ll use different tools depending on the moment – reframing when someone gets stuck on one point, brainstorming when options feel limited, or giving evaluative feedback if it helps to hear how a judge might view things.
Doing this online sometimes makes it even easier. People log in from a place they know, not after a long drive replaying arguments in their heads. They can focus on the discussion itself, and when the meeting ends, they’re already home. That shift alone can lower the temperature of the whole process.
Is Virtual Mediation in Cayuga County Right for You?
Mediation doesn’t fit every situation. I’ve had cases where one person held all the power in the relationship. In those moments, the other spouse couldn’t get a fair voice. That’s not what mediation is for. In those cases, court is safer. The same goes if one person refuses to show up or take it seriously – the process breaks down fast.
But many couples can make it work. I’ve seen parents who didn’t agree on much still manage to build a parenting plan together. I’ve seen people divide property in a way that felt fair without stepping foot in a courtroom. The difference is that they stayed in charge of the decisions. Not a judge who doesn’t know their family.
That matters. Especially here, where people value keeping control of their own affairs. When mediation works, it usually costs less, takes less time, and leaves fewer scars on the family. It doesn’t make divorce painless. It just makes it possible to move forward without adding more harm.
If you’re wondering whether this could work for you, the easiest way to find out is to ask. I offer a consultation up to thirty minutes where both spouses can meet with me together. No pressure, just a chance to hear how mediation works and see if it feels like the right fit.
You can reach my office through the contact form here, or simply call. Divorce is hard enough. Mediation won’t fix everything. But it can give you a place to talk, make decisions, and keep some control over what happens next. That’s why I do this work.