The first thing to understand about divorce – is that no matter how you go about it, you’re probably going to face some emotional complexities and other personal difficulties. Divorces are a difficult process – after all, most couples enter a divorce after years of trying to make it work with their spouse, and find themselves suddenly considering the prospect of single life all over again. It can be extremely difficult to regain your confidence, find financial stability, and make sure that you’re ready for the change in lifestyle that lies ahead, but that doesn’t mean that everything about divorce is negative. As I often tell my clients – it’s up to you to decide when your marriage is over. If you simply can’t be happy in the relationship that you’re in – for any reason, then divorce may well be the answer. My last blog article discussed some of the negative, as well as positive aspects of divorce and separation. This article will focus on the up sides.
After you receive those final divorce papers, it’s easy to find yourself mourning the loss of your relationship, but it’s also important to focus on the positives that could come your way now that you’ve removed yourself from a potentially toxic situation.
Divorce Could Make You Happier
I often find that it can be difficult for some clients to believe that they may enjoy a happier life after their divorce is over, but I frequently see ex-spouses moving on to live more peaceful, fulfilling lives once their divorce is settled. Though the initial feelings that you experience during the onset of a divorce may center around a fear of the unknown, that anxiety and sadness will in most instances eventually get better.
When a relationship no longer works, both sides generally end up looking for closure and may seek out divorce mediators or divorce attorneys. While you might miss your spouse from time to time after, you will be free to start a new chapter in your life that allows you to move away from a relationship that may have been based heavily on conflict. For some spouses, this even means that you might be able to move away from a life of abuse and regain your self-esteem, whereas other individuals will be free to look for a relationship that is healthier than their previous one. After all, being divorced doesn’t doom a person to single life – instead, it gives them a unique opportunity to find a relationship that better fits their needs.
Divorce Doesn’t Have to be Damaging to Your Children
When I speak to clients about their upcoming divorce, I’m frequently faced with the concerns of parents who are worried that their children might respond negatively to a split between their parental figures. The truth is that the divorce process can be difficult on your children, but it can also give them the opportunity to learn that people sometimes need to make mistakes, find solutions, and grow on their path to happiness as mentioned in this linked article in Atlantic.com. While divorce is always going to be upsetting to a child, that doesn’t mean that exposing that child to an unhealthy, unhappy relationship is a better alternative. For parents who do go through a divorce, the negative effects that the process has on children can be minimized with a consideration of routines, rituals, and reassurance as referenced in the linked article in Psychology today.
At the same time, for parents who consider a different approach to divorce, the heartache and emotional turmoil can be reduced even further. For instance, while litigation can often lead to high emotions and difficult interactions between parents and children, mediation encourages a more collaborative approach to divorce that can help to maintain positive relationships between ex-spouses. I often recommend mediation as a solution for parents who want to avoid the complexities of litigation, and may be able to work at negotiating a positive future for themselves, and their children. While this solution doesn’t work for everyone, it can represent a positive solution for many individuals in search of a way to limit the confrontational nature of ending a marriage.
Divorce Doesn’t Have to Use Up All your Finances
Finally, another of the biggest concerns that my clients have when approaching the issue of divorce – is the worry that they won’t be able to afford to live comfortably when they separate from a spouse. Unfortunately, a concern about finances should never be the factor that prompts a person to remain in an unhappy, or even dangerous marital situation. While divorce can be a costly procedure, there are ways to reduce the amount that you may need to spend. For example, mediation is often a lot less expensive than standard litigation. At the same time, during the course of arranging your divorce, you may be able to put plans in place that can protect you and your family from financial disruption in the future.
If children are involved in the divorce procedure, the New York courts will be required to put their best interests first when called upon to make decisions. However, in many circumstances they will work to make decisions that ensure neither spouse becomes destitute as a result of their separation. If you are the less-monied spouse in a divorce, then you may be able to access financial help from your ex-spouse in the form of spousal maintenance or support. At the same time, if you become the parent that has primary custody of the children, with parenting time or visitation rights being awarded to your ex, then you could also receive child support payments too. The decisions surrounding how support and maintenance should be provided to any person during a divorce can center around a number of different factors and personal circumstances although there are guidelines for maintenance and child support, based on income, under New York law as of 2016.
If you are the more monied spouse, then you may have the ability to cut your ex-spouse off when it comes to deciding who receives assets in the form of an inheritance. You can also ensure that your spouse no longer has any right to the future assets that you earn once the divorce has been filed.
As you can see from the matters I have addressed above, divorce can be a very difficult process for anyone, but that doesn’t mean that there aren’t silver linings to consider. If you have family law issues or feel that a divorce could be a positive step in your life, please feel free to contact me, Mr. Darren M. Shapiro at your earliest convenience for a free 30-minute consultation. You can get in touch over the phone at 516-333-6555, or via our online form.